I have been reflecting a lot about self-limiting beliefs.
It all started when we made these new friends a couple of years ago. They are a married couple, and their kid was in the same toddler soccer program as our big kid, L. My husband, G, started getting friendly with the dad during the soccer program, which annoyed me initially because they were always off in the corner chatting, so I had to run around with L during the soccer program while being fairly pregnant. But then, we met his wife, and it was all good because I liked her right away. We have been hanging out more with this family over the course of the past year, and we just really like them. Besides being incredibly down to earth and genuine, the thing that has made the biggest impression on me is how both of them DO NOT seem to have self-limiting beliefs! The husband is learning to swim currently, because he has set a goal to do a triathlon when he turns 40. Have you ever met a person who has decided to do a triathlon, before they know how to swim?! The wife has had a spotty academic record because she had to care for her younger siblings financially when she was in college, but she is applying to a prestigious MBA program so that she can advance her tech career while on upcoming maternity leave! This lady bikes up and down the hills in our city while being 8 months pregnant, while carrying her 30-pound toddler on the back of her non-e-assisted bike. So incredibly inspiring. I just love everything about them, and they have helped me to examine my own self-limiting beliefs. Because of them, I started practicing biking with my younger toddler. (Before this, my husband gladly rode with both toddlers on his non-e-assisted bike -- on a crazy bike rig that weighs about 80 pounds including both kids.) I started riding my bike with a sack of rice, training three times a week when both kids would go down for a nap. I started with 10 pounds, then upgraded to 20 pounds. Recently, I started carrying my actual toddler, which has been amazingly gratifying, even though I was a little too ambitious and we fell on a slippery gravel trail last week. The whole idea of self-limiting beliefs is one that I have been really thinking about. What can we accomplish, that seems currently impossible? It is an idea that I have been talking extensively to my oldest kid about. L is at a wonderful age where you can really talk to him like a real person. He is 4, which has its challenges for sure (recently, before I noticed, he was throwing fist-sized rocks over our fence onto the sidewalk, which is incredibly dangerous and almost hit a passer-by), but he is also capable of holding some big ideas in his head. During our COVID-19 homeschooling, the idea that everything always seems impossible until it is done (a quote from Nelson Mandela) has come up again and again. L is naturally risk-averse, which is both a blessing (for me, as a parent -- he has never tried to climb anything dangerous or tried to run into the street) and a challenge (he is scared to walk down tiny hills sometimes, or to climb play structures that he had done a year prior). Being at home with me, we have had the chance to work on taking risks on a daily basis, which has had a huge noticeable impact on L and his growth mindset over the course of several months. He learned to ride a pedal bike (before COVID, he had never agreed to be on a bike of any kind, either balance bike or bike with training wheels), learned to jump off of benches and rocks, learned to ride a two-wheeled scooter, and learned to read in English. In acquiring each new skill, L has had self-doubting moments where he felt like the next stage of achievement was simply impossible. And then, what seemed impossible would become achievable after some risk-taking (bribing), a lot of pep-talking, and a lot of repetitive, low-pressure practice. In response, he now says things like, "Everything takes practice, and you will improve!" and "Everything is impossible, you know? Until you do it, and that's it." To me, that is everything; that mindset is way more important to me than the actual skills he has gained. But, as I work with L on these skills and his growth mindset, I have been reflecting critically about where I practice what I preach in my own life. How can I teach my child to take risks, without modeling it myself? It seemed impossible to carry a child on my bike. It seemed impossible to home-school my defiant toddler while managing a baby with developmental delays. It seemed impossible for me to take on teaching my child to bike, when my husband is the best biker in the family. It seemed impossible to get my child to speak Mandarin, when I am the only person who speaks to him regularly in that language. For a long time, I was anxious to improvise music with my husband, because I felt like I was not musical enough. Each time I have had a self-limiting belief, if I worked at it steadily, I have been able to show myself that that limiting belief is not actually accurate. So, my new goals (which currently seem impossible) are: I want to get comfortable with taking my children out on the water, in a kayak, all by myself. I want to start a business (for profit or non-profit, I haven't decided) to provide tools to help average parents with reinforcing mathematical understanding at home. Will these goals be achieved? I don't know; but what I can do is to take teensy, little steps towards realizing those goals, and hope for the best. What are your self-limiting beliefs, and in what ways are they holding you back?
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About MeBorn in Asia, I have spent more than a third of my life living outside of the U.S. thus far. I currently reside in the Pacific Northwest with my techie husband and two biracial children. Categories
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July 2021
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