I know I have written already about growth mindset, but I feel like I am constantly learning about it from different angles. In my own life, for sure, but also through my children's eyes. One thing that I am a firm believer in is that it is very hard to teach kids things like growth mindset and resilience in a vacuum. In order for kids to learn how to foster growth mindset and how to maintain resilience, they must actually feel challenged. The greater that challenge they have to overcome, the more of an opportunity we have to help them shatter existing negative self-beliefs.
When we first started feeding therapy, and I noticed my son having some traction right away with the exercises, I idly wondered whether learning to eat new foods would help him in building a growth mindset in other areas of his life as well. Then, we started OT and (more recently) working with him actively on his fear of stairs, and in the past week, I noticed some amazing changes about him. The first is that he has been trying lots of new foods -- almost every couple of days, he is trying a food that is slightly new to him, and usually on his own accord. Even though there are plenty of things he still won't eat, he has started eating lots of foods with mixed texture and 3 or 4 ingredients mixed together, which he used to only eat in de-constructed form. And, amazingly, his risk-taking does not stop there... A few days ago, my son suggested that I could ride my bike, carrying his little sister, and he could ride his bike behind me, and we could head to a little green area 1.25 miles from our house. To get there, he would have to ride in the (mostly residential) streets, because I couldn't ride carrying his sister in the street and keep an eye on him on the sidewalk. I was a little nervous, because I didn't know how it would go, with me carrying a toddler and keeping an eye on a new rider behind me. But, since it was his idea completely, I didn't want to discourage his enthusiasm. We did it! It was an adventure! The roundtrip distance was 2.5 miles, and that was the longest distance he had ever ridden in the streets. It was a nice adventure for all of us, and I was impressed that my son was the one who suggested the trip, and that from beginning to end, he did not complain or express any negativity. My son has always been extremely resistant to drawing. This has always been a concern for me, because drawing is not only an emotional outlet, it is a way to practice being creative, to practice risk-taking, and to communicate our understanding in non-verbal ways. To encourage him to draw, we even had some family crafts nights, so that he could have some positive associations with the act of drawing. But, maybe seeing us drawing actually discouraged him from drawing on his own? I don't know, but that is one theory I have read in a RIE parenting group, offered by Janet Lansbury herself. Anyhow, this week I have been super excited to see L draw a variety of objects via chalk, on our sidewalk! He drew a steam train, an octopus, a spider, a backpack, a bumble bee, a rainbow, a bike trail, balloons, and some stop signs. I try very deliberately not to give him feedback on his drawings, because I don't want him to feel self-conscious at all in his budding hobby. I am just so thrilled that he has immersed himself, on two consecutive days, on drawing chalk on the sidewalk and really seeming to be "in the zone." Today, I took L to his first gymnastics class ever. Since he has physical anxieties on the playground and still some anxiety about descending stairs (although they are getting so much better), my husband and I felt that we wanted to make a conscious effort in working with him on gross-motor development. I took him last week to an indoor playground at our local gymnastics academy, and he loved it. (He had been there previous to COVID, but this was the first time going in well over a year.) When I looked into wait-listing him for gymnastics classes, I saw that one weekday introductory class at a different gym actually had an opening. I immediately jumped on it, with plans to take him there through the end of the summer, if he is interested. (The program charges month-by-month.) Before the class today, my son was extremely nervous, and told me that he definitely would not participate in the gymnastics class. His tone was such that he was looking for a fight. Instead of giving him a fight, however, I said, "You are feeling very anxious about the class. I understand how you feel, and that is totally normal, because it's new and new is always scary. Here, I will take you there and you can just check it out. You don't have to do anything if you don't want to; you can just sit there. I just want you to check it out." I also reminded him that recently, he was super nervous to go indoor-climbing with his dad, but ended up enjoying it (with lots of gummy bear bribes). A little while after, shortly before we left for the class, L told me -- to my huge surprise and trying-to-act-very-casual delight -- that he had decided he would participate in the gymnastics class today. After we got to gymnastics, I could tell that it was very challenging for my son. He is such a bright kid in many ways, but he is usually awkward in navigating physical tasks. He was visibly (and audibly) super nervous about all of the tasks, but he participated 100% and tried so hard to do every drill. He even climbed up a steep (almost vertical) A-frame that was almost 5 feet tall and climbed down on the other side, all by himself without the coach nearby, which I would never, EVER have imagined him to do today. This kid is a rock star!!! My husband was not there to see his risk-taking, but when I relayed what had happened at the gym, we agreed that it is a glimpse into the kind of learner that our son is -- he doubts himself almost always, but he will still give things his best shot, and in that process, he can sometimes shatter his self-doubt and surprise himself. It made me wonder if all of the work that we have been doing with him across eating and OT are starting to pay off in other areas of his life, like I had hoped? I don't really understand child development and psychology, but if those therapies are the reason for his change and willingness to take on new risks and experiences, I am just so hugely grateful.
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About MeBorn in Asia, I have spent more than a third of my life living outside of the U.S. thus far. I currently reside in the Pacific Northwest with my techie husband and two biracial children. Categories
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July 2021
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